Article #2: Of Badges with Bonding (and Social Emotional Learning)
Imagine a 16 year old in charge of an entire (albeit small) class of children, most of whom no older than 5, for the very first time in her life. Being led into a classroom where very young, stubborn, restless, and rowdy children either roamed aimlessly around the room or sat on the small grey mat crying as a result of their parents having seemingly abandoned them, would be an overwhelming experience for many, much less an adolescent.
That young teacher was me. If I said that I did not have to fight the urge to turn and run from what seemed to me a horrific scene, I would be lying through my teeth. I thought I was ready for this, to take up the challenge my older sister had bestowed on me in her unwavering faith in my ability to teach, but more so, to bond and connect with children. The latter was especially vital in the community school for underprivileged children, where it would make a difference to their general wellbeing. On that first day, as a teacher on my summer holidays ready to give of her time and effort, I marched into the school. I marched in there like I was wearing my Badge of Bonding on my chest with honour, convinced that I was going to change the world with my love and emotional connection, wishing, in my ignorant naiveté, that more educators were like me. That month was turbulent, to say the least. It tested my patience and intellect, my love and my ambition as an educator. I questioned myself almost every day of that month, waking each
morning to doubt, wondering why I was chosen to be punished with the most challenging job in the world (the adolescent ‘emo’ side had emerged!).
My second month arrived, (finally, I thought) and with it, some magic (the relief!). I connected with my young students, and it happened almost immediately after I stopped giving them instructions and started by first asking them how they felt, and how certain situations made them feel. Granted, this was not the easiest thing to ask such a young audience, and a few still did not want to respond, but I needed to show them I really wanted to connect with them. I wanted to show them that I loved them, through all the snot-wiping, the angry biting and the frustrated crying. And so it went, until I remember leaving that class in tears, my proudest moment having them sing the rainbow song I’d taken great pains to teach them, and having thoroughly filled our time with each other those last few weeks with love, emotional learning and – yes! – successful bonding.
I never forgot that experience, and have carried it with me throughout the years. More than 20 years later, as a seasoned teacher, bonding with students in this way is crucial, not only to opening doors to their respective desires and motivation to learn, but also to their mental (and general) wellbeing. It was through this desire to connect emotionally with my students to help them grow as individuals that I learned of Social Emotional Learning (SEL).
Social Emotional Learning is an approach built on the premise that educating students is a holistic package that should go beyond academics. It needs to include equipping them with various other skills to manage their emotions in a range of situations, growth mindsets, positive self-talk, relationship-building, and overall experience of a sense of true belonging where they receive said education. This type of focus, more often than not, results in students being more successful, well rounded human beings with better relationships and mindsets in the long term. Numerous studies have demonstrated the benefits of SEL, and how even the smallest of gestures and practices can make a marked difference in the way our learners see their educational journey. This has also been observed in my humble opinion and experience.
Here are two (among several) approaches I have personally taken to build that relationship with my students. These have helped in opening the proverbial doors to their motivation to learn, be better supported by us, better people overall and work toward becoming more in tune with their emotions (our University students need love, too!):
- Ask how they are – one of the most effective ways of encouraging a connection to build towards a better learning experience overall is to care. Asking students how they feel before every lecture, and really listening to their responses may seem unbelievably simple but it reaps enormous benefits in the way they begin to perceive their learning (‘the teacher genuinely cares’). The regularity of this activity also helps students understand that their feelings are valid and they are listened to, which in turn helps to build that trust we need to get the student to where they need to be. Granted, this may not work in the beginning, nor work with all students, but a little effort will certainly go a long way, if not all the way.
- Give them something they can use - Pick a time (any time during the lecture, though I find it is best to do this towards the end of the lecture, in order to finish on a high note) to have a discussion about one skill that may help students cope with their emotions. Teachers can also opt to encourage students to consider certain practical approaches to stress management, the building of self-confidence (and love!) and even an exchange of techniques that they employ. The latter is particularly beneficial for bonding because it gives students a chance to feel useful, to themselves and their peers. This shows we not only care for their wellbeing, we are also willing to invest a little time regularly to give them a little nudge in what is hopefully the right direction.
- (Genuinely) attempt to look at what is behind the unmotivated, cynical and (seemingly) uninterested student. I firmly believe that they can feel our impatience and even slight resentment at what we perceive to be their surly and resisting attitudes, no matter how good we think we are at concealing this. These exterior behaviours may very well cloak painful traumas and difficult truths. Yes, it is also their responsibility to meet us halfway, but sometimes their legs can’t carry them that far, and they need us. At the very least you will not regret the attempt. I cannot tell you how many times a student’s life is changed because, as cheesy as it sounds, a teacher believed in them and reached out in a genuine attempt to provide support. It goes a long way.
At the end of the day, if educators genuinely want their students to start cultivating healthier mindsets and a better sense of general wellbeing, they also need to be an active part of a process that isn’t just about academics. It may not always suit our packed schedules, hefty workloads or our own mental wellbeing to do much, but even the smallest gestures can reroute a student’s path.I have encountered students who were completely unchanged at the end of it all, but these were significantly outnumbered by the ones that were. I can now say, with utmost confidence, connecting wholeheartedly with my students in the bid to help them be better learners (and better people) is something that has yet to fail. The once 16 year old teacher, now so much wiser (I hope) is still carrying that Badge of Bonding, with more conviction, (and less naiveté!) and I believe all teachers carry it, too.
Contributed by
Nabila Shariff Al-Baiti